Sparkle After 50

Hello, incredible woman! As mothers, many of us share an innate desire to be there for our children in every possible way. Even those of us who choose to work outside the home often feel the pull to dedicate more time to our families. Yet, circumstances sometimes force us to make tough decisions when financial responsibilities come into play. In today’s world, where dual incomes often feel like a necessity and single parenthood is a reality, making choices becomes more complex. For those women who opt to stay home with their children, the journey is filled with sacrifices, not just financial but emotional too. There’s often an unexpected side to being a stay-at-home mom – a sense of social isolation that can leave us yearning for connection.

Staying home can sometimes translate into a sense of isolation, not only from society’s hustle and bustle but also from prevailing norms. Picture it like the difference between city and country living – both fantastic, yet vastly distinct. Just like a city dweller might feel out of their element in the country, and vice versa, there are moments when even the countryside dweller longs for the energy of city lights and the lively buzz. And similarly, the urbanite may secretly dream of tranquil hillsides and serene porch swings. Each lifestyle holds its charm, driven by personal priorities, individual needs, and deeply rooted values. This holds true for us mothers, whether we’ve embraced full-time careers or chosen to stay at home.

In my journey as a mother, I’ve experienced both paths, which have granted me a unique vantage point. I understand the desire to stay home with a newborn while life dictates otherwise due to financial responsibilities. I’m also acquainted with the relentless determination of highly creative overachievers who excel both in the workplace and as mothers.

I used to be the mom who woke up early, followed a routine, attended to my kids’ needs, dropped them off at daycare, and then set off for work. But one day, a new reality emerged. The premature birth of my fourth son shifted my perspective on motherhood. His intensive care needs during those early days opened my eyes to a broader understanding of what it means to be a mother. It wasn’t just about managing finances; it was about embracing a new way of nurturing. Through the years, money may have been tight at times, but that was never my primary challenge. I learned how to stretch every dollar to provide for my family, and I learned to see beyond my own desires. My compassion grew as I faced my own weaknesses. The lessons I learned far outweighed any financial strain or missed social events. However, challenges still loomed as a stay-at-home mom, particularly from the biases and opinions of well-intentioned friends who influenced my decision.

Some friends meant well, offering counsel based on their perception of my family’s financial scenario. Yet, the vital element here is “perception.” What holds priority for one family might not align with another’s unique dynamics and values. Our family was navigating uncharted territory, exploring ways to build a healthy and strong unit using novel tools and strategies. While we evolved, not all friends grew alongside us. Some, comfortable with mediocrity, clung to outdated patterns of thought. These friends inadvertently posed a challenge by trying to dissuade me from my choice to stay at home.

One incident stands out – a friend who spent ample time with my husband. Single and estranged from his own family, he advised my husband to focus more on leisure than family commitments. This advice was in direct contradiction to our established family values. This friend had a history of unresolved issues, hopping from one job to another, one relationship to the next, all the while wrestling with self-destructive behavior. It baffled me – how could someone navigating their own turbulence provide guidance on family matters?

Through these experiences, I’ve come to realize the significance of carving out personal time for self-improvement and introspection. This solitude allows for quiet contemplation, a chance to connect with our inner beliefs. Open communication with our partners fosters clarity in family decisions. Seeking advice from friends who share our values and experiences can be a wellspring of wisdom. However, it’s essential to discern between selfless guidance and advice driven by self-interest. Friends who exude confidence in their perceptions can substantially influence our choices. The strength of the friendship determines how much influence it holds. Before embracing advice, it’s prudent to weigh the motives and authenticity underpinning it. Personally, I cross-reference advice with my faith and biblical teachings. I evaluate its resonance with my spirit and its harmony with the guidance I’ve received from within. The decision must leave me with a sense of peace, even if it means risking the possibility of offending some friends. The well-being of our family takes precedence over transient friendships.

Friendships are invaluable, enriching our lives in profound ways. However, balancing introspective moments, both alone and with our families, should take priority when making decisions that steer our family’s course. Family is a sacred institution, and external advice should be shared and received within that awareness. Ultimately, while external influences might cast shadows on our perspective, the ultimate choices rest with us. Being conscious of these influences and meticulously evaluating advice against the backdrop of our family’s values and mission is indispensable.

As we continue maturing and flourishing as women beyond 50, let’s stand firm in our decisions. Let’s embrace advice with an open heart, yet ensure our choices spring from a place of confidence, authenticity, and alignment with our core values. After all, our families deserve nothing less than our very best.